I heard that!

I work at an international law firm based in Atlanta, with roughly 500 lawyers worldwide. One of the most entertaining places is, believe it or not, the bathroom. You never know what you'll find.

For example, we used to have a very eccentric janitor who had obviously immigrated, perhaps recently, from another country. The moment you entered the bathroom he would start a one-sided conversation about local news, world events, etc, and would not stop talking. The first time I met him I stood there smiling and half-grinning, inching towards the door, and he was completely oblivious to any hint I made that I had to leave. I finally had to interupt and say, "OK! I'll see you later!", and quickly walk out.

He began to get a reputation for taking people hostage in the bathroom. It was funny to watch new hires visit the bathroom and not return for many minutes. Sometimes when I would see his cleaning cart outside of the restroom I would go to the bathroom just to take a little break from the "real world", and to see how long it would take to break away. I still see him from time to time, but not as often.

Then there are the people that work in the mail-room that talk to each other while they're doing #2. Typically it is considered extremely taboo to talk to someone while they're in a stall, but not these guys! One day I walked into a seemingly empty restroom, and heard voices coming from two stalls, accompanied by the usual bathroom noises. I'm sorry, but when I use a stall I prefer to retain my anonymity. If I am in a stall and someone asks, "How 'bout 'dem Braves?", I will not answer.

But today I was enjoying a few peaceful moments in a stall, when an attorney walks in and begins using the latrine. And to mutter to himself. He obviously didn't realise I was in the bathroom, so I decided to keep quiet and see what would happen. He muttered and muttered and muttered for almost 10 minutes, and I was beginning to get anxious to get back to work. Should I make my presence known? I heard him say something about "mutter...mutter...I can use the Internet...mutter...mutter" and I started to suspect that this was probably one of our technologically challenged attorneys, congratulating himself that he knew how to use the Internet, while distracting himself from the task at hand. I couldn't take it anymore; I was getting out of there. As soon as he heard me rustling around, the muttering stopped and he quickly finished what he was doing and shot out of the bathroom like a greased watermelon seed. I didn't even get a chance to congratulate him on his Internet skills!