Just a Cute Story

"Get up! How can you sleep when the ship is about to be lost?"

Slowly he raised his head and looked about. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness that covered everything like a blanket. A sudden flash of lightning unveiled panicked seamen calling out to their gods as wave after wave washed over the deck, threatening to pull them into the depths of the ocean. He clung tightly to a rope and pulled himself up, and looked out and over into the dark green sea. At the next streak of lightning the sea seemed for an instant like a great beast, cold and hungry, waiting to devour anyone so unfortunate as to lose their footing and fall overboard. A shiver ran down his spine, not from the cold, and he began to suspect that he knew why this ominous storm had suddenly risen from a clear sky to cover their small ship.

"We must cast lots!", a huge burly man with tattered clothes and a scar running down his cheek cried out, looking fearfully at the sea as though it were a thing alive. This storm was different than any he had ever seen, wrought with a fervor and a fury that made his blood run cold. Hurriedly he pulled out a small leather bag of stones* and yelled into the howling wind, "Come to me and cast your lot! Come to me!"

Hurrying through the foam and spray they made their way to the huge man and his bag of stones, grasping at ropes and any available handhold as the ship rocked and heaved. They all fulfilled their part, one by one, and when the ritual was complete someone called out, pointing at the stranger, "It is him! He is the cause!" All eyes fell on him, fear written on every face, and the storm seemed to pause as if taking a great breath.

"Who are you?"

"I am an Hebrew. And I fear the LORD, the God of Heaven, that made the sea and the dry land."

A murmur of amazement went through the men, and looking forth at the sea roaring and foaming they began to scream at once, "Tell us what we must do!"

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:13

The Hebrew did not look at the sea, but closed his eyes as his lips moved silently for a moment. Then he lifted his eyes and spoke softly, "You must cast me into the sea, and the sea will become calm, for I know that for my sake is this great storm come upon you."

We beseech thee, O LORD, we beseech thee, let us not perish for this man's life, and lay not upon us innocent blood: for thou, O LORD, hast done as it pleased thee!

Jonah 1:14

Immediately the men laid hold on their oars and rowed furiously, calling out to God, pleading that they would not be held accountable for the Hebrew's blood if they did as he said. The storm seemed to grow stronger, and the waves beat against the ship like great beams of iron, and the men became fearful that it would tear apart and they would all be cast into the sea. With unceasing cries to God they picked up his body and staggered to the side where they pushed his body up and over into the gaping maw of the ocean.

And Jonah's body sank down, down, down into darkness. The sea became perfectly calm and the clouds rolled away, revealing a deep blue sky. The men on the ship looked up with jaws agape at the sun beaming down as though it had never been hidden, many rubbing their eyes in disbelief. A warm wind was blowing the last wisps of cloud away. One quietly breathed the words, "This is the work of the God of Israel," and the others replied, still looking around amazed, "The God of Israel is God", and they fell to their faces and made vows.

And so they did not see the great dark mass coming up from the deep, swelling larger and larger until it seemed as something huge and terrible. A great dark silent thing that sunk back into the dark waters as mysteriously and noiselessly as it came. The ocean heaved slightly, and then only a few concentric circles and a handful of bubbles remained, as though from a rock thrown into a pond by a child.

When the men raised their heads they began to look for Jonah, and after some time finding that he was nowhere within sight, continued on their way in great distress and awe at what they had seen.

Jonah was descending into darkness, deeper and deeper into the very roots of the ocean, incubated tightly in the belly of a great fish that had engulfed him in a moment of supreme terror. He felt around him in horror, feeling nothing but wet and warm walls squeezing, oozing, against his body, hardly able to fathom what nightmare had befallen him. The ceiling, if it could be called that, was much too low for him to stand, and he could hardly tell which way was up in the pitch blackness. Filth rolled around him and seaweed, or something like it, wrapped about his fingers. A fishy stench filled his nostrils and fogged his senses, and he wretched. Claustrophobia overtook him and in a wave of panic he clambered desperately for any sort of opening, any way of escape. Something wet and sticky wrapped around his head and he groped with shaking fingers to remove it.

Oh God, save me! Forgive me!

He wretched and wretched in the darkness, and then as if through a cloud the words that Solomon prayed on the temple mount began to seep into his mind. Gasping, he lifted his head up, as though from the bowels of hell, and remembered.

...yet if they pray toward this place, and confess thy name, and turn from their sin, when thou dost afflict them, then hear thou from heaven, and forgive the sin of thy servants, and of thy people Israel, when thou hast taught them the good way, wherein they should walk...

And Jonah began to pray.

I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the LORD, and he heard me; out of the belly of hell cried I, and thou heardest my voice. For thou hadst cast me into the deep, in the midst of the seas; and the floods compassed me about: all thy billows and thy waves passed over me.

Then I said, I am cast out of thy sight; yet I will look again toward thy holy temple. The waters compassed me about, even to the soul: the depth closed me round about, the weeds were wrapped about my head. I went down to the bottoms of the mountains; the earth with her bars was about me for ever: yet hast thou brought up my life from corruption, O LORD my God. When my soul fainted within me I remembered the LORD: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple.

They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy. But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD.

Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

Psalms 139:7-8

As Jonah's cries rose up from the bottom of the sea, the fish's great tail, as thick as one of the mighty trees of Lebanon, swung through the deep and drove Jonah towards the coasts of Nineveh. From somewhere in the darkness a cool breeze came and gently blew across his face. And on and on he prayed unceasing for three days and three nights, confident that though death closed its grimy fingers about him and strove to pull him down to hell, his voice would be heard.

For three days and nights the great fish plowed through the sea, until one morning its belly began to quiver and quake, and the slime and mire began to heave about Jonah. The walls billowed in and out, and it seemed as if the very foundations of the earth were coming loose. Jonah cried out, and in a moment and a twinkling of an eye he was thrown loose into the sea, where a wave swept by and, catching him, washed him away. His knee scraped a sandy shoal and he looked about, squinting into the bright sunlight, and he turned back just in time to see the sunlight glint off the back of his ocean chariot as it sunk beneath the waves.

I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.

John 11:25

Turning towards the shore he saw people running towards him, many falling down on their faces or gazing in astonishment at the man who had come forth from a fish's mouth and now walked on their shores. Jonah dropped to his knees onto the sandy ocean bottom and let the waves crash softly against him, felt the warm sun on his back, and he lifted up his hands and wept for joy.

And that, dear reader, in case you were wondering, is my little argument against the "cutization" of Bible stories to make it easier for kids to "understand". Like this. Jonah isn't like Santa Claus. And he's definitely not like a cucumber. And this isn't just a cute story.

It's a true story.


* From Wikipedia: "Cleromancy, sortilege, casting lots or casting bones is a form of divination in which stuff is thrown randomly on the ground, and the resulting patterns or forms are interpreted to tell the future or make a decision." Since the Bible doesn't explicitly say how lots were cast (with bones, stones, straws, etc), I decided to use stones in my retelling. Other places in the Bible where lots are cast include:

- In Joshua, when Akan is determined to be a thief by the casting of lots
- In I Samuel, Saul is determined to be king by the casting of lots
- Soldiers cast lots for Jesus' clothes
- In Acts, Matthias and Barnabas cast lots to determine who will replace Judas as the twelveth apostle