Superhero for a Day

Yesterday I had static cling in a major way. On the long walk through the subway station. On the long walk to work from the station in Midtown. Going to meetings.

I felt remarkably clowny walking around with my pants stuck to my legs. Nothing I did helped, and as the day progressed the situation only grew worse.

On the way home Monica asked me to stop and pick up a few groceries. I thought to myself, "I will stop by Wal-Mart because they are cheap, and I will save a lot of money, and Monica will be so proud of me because of my manly money-saving prowess." I pulled into the crowded Wal-Mart parking lot, got out of the car and began walking in past crowds of people, only to suddenly be reminded that I still was wearing my superhero costume. Why is everybody staring?

Oh the agony. I actually let out a groan of despair as I walked as nonchalantly as possible through the produce aisles looking for some carrots, hoping beyond hope that no one noticed that they could see my socks and my clearly delineated knobby knees. What was wrong with these goofy pants?? And where were the carrots?!?

I finally convinced myself, since no one was busting out with public laughter, that maybe the situation wasn't so bad after all. Laa dee daa, I sang to myself as I skipped through the store, casually collecting things into my cart. Surely no one would ever notice that my pants had actually folded under themselves at my knees, haha!

I went through the self checkout line like a Pro, scanning my items one at a time and flipping out my credit card when appropriate. Joe Cool Businessman was paying a visit to Wal-Mart with his cool tricked-out pants! Wassup to all my Wal-Mart hommies!

Then I saw my reflection in the automatic doors as I exited the premises. I looked like I had my super-hero costume on inside out. Or something. My pants were all scrunched up in the wrong places, loose here, tight there, with wrinkles everywhere. I didn't know static cling could get so bad. I limped to my car with a groan and a grin, and tossed everything in the back seat, and squealed outta there like I was driving the Bat Mobile.

Message to Monica - now might be a good time to buy some of this.