A Story of Evolution

Billions and billions of years ago the world spun through space as a glowing mass of volcanic chaos, slowly cooling over millions and billions of years until water began to form and geological structures began to appear. Lightning flashed and monster waves crashed across a barren landscape. Eons passed, and then one day the perfect combination of heat, moisture, chemicals and time came into perfect harmony, and as the sun rose and began to warm the landscape something happened in a small tidal pool on the shore of a dormant seaside volcano. A small single-celled organism was formed. Life.

Unfortunately for this little cell, it didn't have a means of locomotion. Or a means of absorbing nutrients from its surroundings. And, come to think of it, there weren't any nutrients anyway because there wasn't a biosphere yet. So it died a few minutes after it became alive.

Wait wait wait! What kind of story is this? That's not how evolution started!

OK ok. So we'll just "skip ahead" and say that instead of just one little single-celled organism there were hundreds created from that first lightning strike or whatever. And they all were complete organisms with reproductive and digestive systems, and small flagella that they could use to move around their little tidal pool environment. They're good to go, so to speak.

Good. Alright, let's hear your little "story".

OK. So, all the little organisms began breeding, and feeding, and making waste, until finally the time had come for evolution. A chance wave of solar radiation struck the earth, which caused severe genetic mutations in half of the population. Some offspring began to develop appendages which impeded their ability to maneuver around for food, and so they quickly died of starvation. Others grew extra flaggela, which increased their ability to maneuver around for food. In a few months they had eaten it all, so the little organisms turned to cannibalism. Which didn't last too long at all. And so there were no more organisms. And no more life.

And the world slowly turned for eons more, waiting for "Nature" to have another go at it. Another perfect opportunity wouldn't appear for perhaps another trillion years.

What a stupid story. This is ridiculous.

I know.