American Nursery Rhymes

Lately we discovered that we had a children's book called "American Nurser Rhymes", filled, appropriately, with nursery rhymes from America. North America, that is. Some of them are pretty hilarious, especially the way I read them, hehe, if I do say so myself. The poems in this book are obviously old, probably recited a hundred years ago when kids ran home from a one room schoolhouse.

For example...

Notice
I have a dog,
I have a cat.
I've got a frog
Inside my hat.
David McCord

And one of my favorites. Note that the term bird is just an expression.

The Frog
What a wonderful bird the frog are -
When he stand he sit almost;
When he hop, he fly almost.
He ain't got no sense hardly;
He ain't got no tail hardly either.
When he sit, he sit on what he ain't got almost.

And a few more of these gems...

Algy
Algy met a bear.
A bear met Algy.
The bear was bulgy.
The bulge was Algy.

Fuzzy Wuzzy
Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy,
was he?

And I suppose "Your Mama" insults have always been en vogue.

My Mother
My mother and your mother
Live across the way.
Every time they have a fight,
This is what they say:
Ickabocker, Ickabocker,
Ickabocker, boo!
Ickabocker, soda cracker,
out goes you!

My Mother and Your Mother
My mother and your mother
Were hanging out the clothes
My mother hit your mother on the nose.
What color blood came out?
R E D spells RED.

Some of these poems are hilarious because they're so off the wall. Or strangely violent, particularly when they're about a little character named Tiny Tim. Look closely for the humor in this poem. Be careful or you'll miss it!

I Had a Little Brother
I had a little brother.
His name was Tiny Tim.
I put him in the bathtub
To teach him how to swim.
He drank up all the water,
He ate up all the soap.
He died last night
With a bubble in his throat.

Hahahaha! I never laughed so hard in my life, right? Right? Right. Anyway... here's another odd poem that, if read with the correct tone of voice, hehe, is strangely funny. Or freaky. Anyway, here it is. Just remember, this is a children's poem. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Teddy on the Railroad
Teddy on the railroad,
Picking up stones;
Along came an engine
And broke all Teddy's bones.
"Oh," said Teddy,
"That's no fair!"
"Oh," said the engineer,
"I don't care."

Well, alrighty then. That would make a wonderful bedtime story wouldn't it? Wouldn't it?

There are many more of these fine specimens, but I'll finish up with the finest poetic specimen in the whole book, perhaps in all of American rhyming history. You probably know the tune, and some of the words, but here is, in all of its rhyming glory, Old Dan Tucker.

Old Dan Tucker
Old Dan Tucker's come to town,
He swings the ladies round and round.
First to the east and then to the west,
And then to the one that he loves the best.

Get out the way for old Dan Tucker,
Come too late to get his supper;
Supper's over and dishes washed.
And nothing's left but a piece of squash.

Old Dan Tucker is a fine old man.
Washed his face in a frying pan,
Combed his hair with a wagon wheel,
And died with a toothache in his heel.


And well, I think that pretty much says it all.