The Doctor is in

Yesterday I was on my way to Sunday school, when... KAPAYOW ...disaster struck. Or should I say, Dr. Schulze struck. You may not have thought about this before, but there's really never a good time for your colon to be cleansed.

I raced upstairs, past my wife, who glanced quizzically at me as I headed in the opposite direction towards the upstairs bathroom. Which only has one stall, unfortunately already occupied. I decided to employ a fake-out maneuver and pretend I was using the latrine while I waited for the stall to be vacated, but as soon as it was, someone else immediately occupied it. As I concentrated on a bug caught in the window screen, I realized I was losing ground against Dr. Schulz; something had to be done.

And so, I raced (with slightly modified posture) to the downstairs single-occupancy bathroom, directly adjacent to the room used for the Sunday school class. Hurrah, it was free! Howsomever, this bathroom did not have a fan, aka noise protection, and I could hear Bro. Wade cranking up the intro to his lesson as though I was sitting in the next room with everyone else. This would never do. But I was about to.

I raced back upstairs, quickly shaking hands with a Brother in passing (I'm sure he wondered why I was sweating profusely and in a great hurry), upstairs again, relieved to hear the glorious strains of the congregation singing a hymn, which meant everyone had left the bathroom free. For me.

Except for one lone soul, who, wearing white sneakers, entered a few moments after myself, to whom I offer the most sincere apologies.

Try Dr. Schulze today, ladies and gentlemen, for a truly cleansing experience.

My wife made me take it.